Rancher's Twins: Mom Needed Page 2

Looking back, Holly wasn’t quite sure how she’d managed. In a cruelly short space of time she’d lost Chelsea, her cousin and her best friend, and then Brandon. Filled with despair, she’d wanted to crawl away and hide for a decade or two, and she might have done exactly that if Anna and Josh’s needs hadn’t been even greater than hers.

  To give them the love and attention they’d needed, she’d been forced to put her own heartbreak aside.

  So…in a way the children had saved her. But right now, she was finding it hard to accept that her role as an integral player in this little team was almost over. She couldn’t imagine living without them.

  ‘Look, Daddy.’ Anna lifted her top lip.

  ‘Wow. You’ve lost a tooth.’

  The little girl grinned proudly, revealing the gap. ‘I left it under my pillow and the Tooth Fairy came.’

  ‘Lucky you.’

  ‘Josh hasn’t lost any teeth yet.’

  His son’s lips were tightly pressed together, and Gray caught a flicker of embarrassment in the boy’s eyes. Clearly, sibling rivalry was alive and well, and no doubt Josh felt left behind in the race to shed baby teeth.

  ‘Josh must have extra tough teeth,’ Gray suggested.

  The boy sent him a grateful smile.

  To change the subject, Gray unzipped a pocket on the outside of his duffel bag and drew out a small packet.

  ‘Is that a present?’ asked Anna, eager-eyed.

  ‘It’s a game to share with your brother. A card game. Snap. With pictures of the Outback on the back.’

  ‘Your Outback?’

  He smiled uncertainly. ‘Yes. My Outback.’

  The twins had been three when they’d left his home—he doubted they’d remember it.

  They knelt at the coffee table as Gray fanned the cards onto its smooth glass surface, showing bright photos of kangaroos, pink-flowering gum trees and wide red plains shimmering beneath sunburned skies.

  ‘Is that where you’re going to take us?’ asked Josh.

  Gray nodded.

  ‘Is your house like this one?’ Anna picked up a card that showed a faded, shabby homestead with a broad iron roof standing alone in the middle of a sparse red desert.

  ‘More or less,’ Gray admitted with some reluctance.

  The little girl stared with large worried eyes at the rather ugly house and stark forbidding landscape.

  ‘We have more trees than that and quite a decent garden,’ Gray amended, feeling rather like a real estate agent trying to sell inadequate property. ‘My homestead is painted white, and there are lots of extra buildings.’

  ‘What kind of buildings?’

  He realised now that he should have brought proper photos of Jabiru Creek Station, instead of these generic tourist images. ‘We have machinery sheds and storage sheds and houses for the ringers.’

  ‘What are ringers?’

  ‘They’re stockmen.’

  ‘Cowboys,’ added Holly cheerfully as she came into the room with a coffee pot and two black and white mugs.

  ‘Except that in Australia we don’t call them cowboys,’ Gray amended with a smile.

  ‘Can we ride horses?’

  The animated excitement in Josh’s face was a stark contrast to the sudden fear in Anna’s dark brown eyes. Gray’s chest tightened. His daughter looked so much like her mother. So beautiful, like a delicate flower, and right now, so worried and sad.

  ‘I have a nice little horse that you can learn to ride,’ he told Josh. For Anna’s sake he added, ‘But you don’t have to ride if you don’t want to.’

  He tried to cheer Anna with a smiling wink. She wouldn’t remember how she used to love to ride in the saddle in front of him, while he kept one arm around her and one hand holding the reins. To his dismay, her lower lip trembled. Damn. He had so little experience in handling kids. The simplest thing could suddenly become a huge problem.

  Holly, who’d made herself comfortable in an armchair, leaned forward and picked up another card—a picture of blue sky reflected in a large pool of water at the bottom of a steep red-walled gorge.

  ‘Look, Anna,’ Holly said. ‘Isn’t this beautiful?’

  Over the children’s heads, her expressive dark eyes sent Gray a silent message. They needed to change the subject.

  ‘Do you have beautiful places like this on your ranch?’ she asked him.

  ‘Sure. We have a fabulous deep gorge and a sizeable river.’

  ‘Can you swim there?’ Holly asked with an encouraging smile.

  Not unless you’re willing to risk being eaten by a crocodile.

  Sidestepping that question, Gray said instead, ‘There’s a dam near the homestead where you can swim.’ When it’s not too hot or muddy.

  He tentatively touched his daughter’s arm. Her skin was soft and smooth and perfect and his heart lurched. He hated to think of her being muddy or sunburned or in any kind of danger from the harsh environment that was his home.

  Would he be able to take proper care of her? He hunted for something positive to tell her.

  ‘Do you like puppies, Anna?’

  She nodded solemnly.

  ‘I have a nice kelpie and she’s going to have babies very soon. By the time we get home there might be puppies.’

  ‘How many puppies?’

  ‘Maybe three or four.’

  Anna’s eyes widened. ‘Are they all in their mommy’s tummy?’

  ‘Yes. They’re growing fat and wriggly and they’re almost ready to be born.’

  ‘Like Josh and me? We were together in our mommy’s tummy.’

  Gray tensed, expecting his daughter to burst into tears now that she’d inadvertently mentioned her mother. His skin grew clammy. His heart picked up pace. Hell. What should he do and say now?

  Holly spoke for him. ‘That’s right, Anna. The puppies are just like you and Josh, all together in their mommy’s tummy.’ She said this smoothly and calmly, as if nothing awkward or dangerous had happened. ‘If there are three puppies, they’ll be triplets. If there are four they’ll be quads.’

  To Gray’s surprise, Anna grinned, clearly pleased with Holly’s answer.

  ‘Why don’t you two have a game of Snap while your dad drinks his coffee?’ Holly suggested next. ‘Take the cards through to your room. I’ll call you as soon as lunch is ready.’

  ‘Is Dad having lunch with us?’ Josh asked.

  ‘Of course. He’ll be staying here with us for a few days.’

  Satisfied, the boy began to gather up the cards and the two trotted happily off to their room.

  As they left, Gray sent Holly a surprised smile, shaking his head. ‘They did exactly what you asked. Are they always so obedient?’

  She laughed. ‘Heavens, no. Although they’re getting better all the time.’ She poured coffee into two mugs. ‘Here’s your coffee. Drink it while it’s hot.’

  ‘Thanks.’ He relaxed into the sofa and took a deep sip. The coffee was indeed hot and strong and of very good quality.

  Over the rim of his mug he stole a closer look at Holly O’Mara. Although he’d only met her a few times, he was sure there was something different about her. He tried to decide what it was. Was her face thinner? Was that why her dark eyes now looked larger, her mouth more curving and lush, her cheekbones more defined?

  Or was there something different about her expression?

  The change was hard to pin down, but he sensed a depth in Chelsea’s young cousin that he’d never been aware of before. He knew these past three months must have been very hard on her. No doubt she’d had to grow up fast.

  Whatever it was about Holly that was different, the change seemed to suit her. And she’d clearly done a very good job of looking after his children.

  ‘I hope you realise how very grateful I am,’ he said. ‘Honestly, the way you’ve taken care of the twins has been amazing. Fantastic. It can’t have been easy—being dumped with everything after…after Chelsea…’

  Holly nodded. ‘There have been some grim moments, but each
day gets better.’

  Gray wondered, somewhat anxiously, about the ‘grim moments’. He sat for a bit in silence, wrapped in worried thoughts as they drank their coffee.

  ‘How’s your ankle?’ Holly asked politely.

  ‘Oh, it’s fine.’ He pulled a face, remembering the exasperation of the floods, and then the further frustration of his accident. ‘You have no idea how maddening it was not being able to get here any sooner.’

  She let out a soft huff. ‘I’ll admit it wasn’t easy at this end, either, trying to convince Anna and Josh that you were held up all that time by floods.’

  ‘I’m sorry.’

  She shook her head. ‘No, you couldn’t help it, and you did the right thing when you asked me not to tell them about the accident. They’d just lost their mom. They would have been devastated if they’d heard their dad was hurt, too.’

  ‘I wouldn’t have been much use to them on crutches.’

  ‘Imagine your journey home,’ Holly agreed, smiling. ‘Twenty-something hours on a plane and trying to manage six-year-old twins while you’re hobbling on a cast.’

  ‘Exactly.’ Gray sat forward, eager to voice the question that had been plaguing him. ‘So—how do you think Anna and Josh will cope with going back to Australia with me?’

  He hoped she would answer with an easygoing shrug and a quick reassurance.

  They’ll be fine. They’re over the worst now.

  To his dismay, she dropped her gaze to her coffee cup and twisted it in her hands.

  His throat tightened uncomfortably. ‘I thought my place—somewhere completely different—might help them. Might be a…a distraction.’

  Holly looked up again and, when her dark eyes met his, she was frowning. He saw no hint of reassurance.

  He spoke again quickly, needing to strengthen his case. ‘This apartment must hold so many sad memories for the children. Won’t it help them to get away?’

  Her mouth opened again as if she was going to reply, but then she hesitated.

  Gray’s entire body tensed. ‘You agree, don’t you?’ He forced an awkward shrug. ‘I admit you know my children better than I do. I’d value your opinion.’

  She responded with a faint smile. ‘I certainly hope they’ll be fine, but I can’t promise it’s going to be easy, Gray. I’m no expert, but from everything I’ve read—’

  ‘Everything you’ve read?’ He felt himself tense. As a cattleman who’d always relied on purely practical skills, he was sceptical about the glorified merits of the written word.

  Perhaps Holly sensed his doubt. Her cheeks flushed deep pink but, when she spoke, she lifted her chin and her dark eyes narrowed. ‘I’ve never had any first-hand experience of grief, certainly not with helping children who’ve lost a parent. So I consulted a GP who referred me to a psychologist, and I’ve done some reading, too. After all, the books are written by experts.’

  The skin on the back of Gray’s neck grew hot. Not quite meeting her gaze, he said, ‘So what did the experts have to say?’

  Holly set her coffee mug on the table with exquisite care, as if it were a rare antique. ‘It seems that children who’ve suffered a loss can benefit from a predictable routine and structure. The familiarity of a routine helps them to feel secure.’

  A predictable routine.

  Structure.

  Security.

  Gray’s heart sank. Predictability and security were scarce commodities in the Outback. Cattlemen and their families lived at the mercy of the elements, or at the whim of fluctuating markets. Daily, they dealt with the problems caused by isolation and vast distances.

  He recalled all the things his ex-wife had hated about his lifestyle, and he thought about his experience over the past three months—being cut off by the floods, almost running out of supplies, busting his leg in a flooded river.

  Doubts crowded in. What was he doing here? How could he take his kids away from this safe and secure world that they knew and loved?

  Abruptly, he stood and strode to the window where he dipped a slat in the blinds with one finger and stared down at the crowded pavements and busy traffic below.

  Without looking at Holly, he said grimly, ‘If the experts in your books are right, the last thing my children need is another big change.’

  Unhappily, he folded his arms over his chest and his jaw jutted belligerently. ‘I’m planning to drag Anna and Josh halfway across the world to a place that’s completely different from here, and your book-writing experts are telling me it’s the worst thing I can do.’

  CHAPTER THREE

  FOR a moment, Holly was seriously tempted to tell Gray that yes, his children would be much better off if they stayed right here in Manhattan. Of course they’d be happier if they were allowed to continue in this familiar environment—living in this apartment, going to their highly acclaimed school, playing with their select circle of appropriate friends.

  For three months she’d been trying to follow the psychologists’ advice. She’d built little rituals into the children’s days so they always had something to look forward to.

  She’d carefully planned mealtimes around their favourite nutritious foods, and she’d scheduled regular after school treats. Of course, she’d made sure that bedtime was special with their favourite stories. And plenty of hugs.

  But she couldn’t suggest that Gray would not be able to meet his children’s needs. She’d witnessed his deep emotion when he’d first greeted his children, and she could see the incredible tension in his face right now as he waited for her answer.

  Gray wasn’t just a proud, possessive male reclaiming his rights. He was a man who loved his children very deeply. Chelsea’s parents had told her that over the past three years he’d made the arduous journey from Australia to America several times a year, just to see them.

  Holly knew that her possibly selfish opinions about the benefits of staying in America had no place in this conversation.

  She drew a deep breath. ‘Anna and Josh want to be with you, Gray. You’re their father.’ After a beat, she added gently, ‘They’ve missed you very much.’

  His face softened a fraction. ‘But it’s still going to be hard for them to leave here and to make the change, isn’t it?’

  She couldn’t deny this. ‘You should probably be prepared for one or two tricky moments.’

  ‘I was hoping that if I stayed in New York for a few days, and gave them a chance to get used to me again—’

  ‘I’m sure that will help. And, while you’re here, we can both talk to them about what to expect on the journey and when they arrive in Australia.’

  Gray nodded, and let his thoughtful gaze fix on the row of windows on the opposite wall, as if he was seeing far into the distance. Then he sent Holly a slow smile.

  Despite the fact that Holly was thinking about Gray’s children and not his looks, something very odd happened to her insides. She dropped her gaze from the sudden flare in his light blue eyes and found safety in the tan leather duffel bag, dumped on the floor by the sofa.

  It was the sort of bag that would look at home on a dusty homestead veranda, or in the back of a battered pickup. Here, in this city apartment, however, the scuffed leather holdall looked out of place, almost like a symbol of everything that had been wrong about Gray’s marriage to her cousin.

  Chelsea had rarely talked about the problems that had sent her scurrying home from Jabiru Creek to New York. It was clear to everyone that her decision had been painful—that she hadn’t stopped loving Gray, but that she’d loved her ballet and choreography more. There’d been no jobs for a choreographer of Chelsea’s calibre in Outback Australia and, in the end, she’d found it too difficult to relinquish her city life and her career.

  She’d told Holly once, ‘It was a fatal attraction. Gray and I were wrong for each other and in almost every way. I think we both sensed from the start that our marriage was doomed, but our feelings were so intense we still had to give it a try.’

  Now, sitting mere metr
es from Gray Kidman’s intensely masculine presence, Holly was all too aware of the force that had urged Chelsea to take that risk. He was still disturbingly attractive. Looking at him, the word manly seemed to take on new meaning.

  Abruptly, she jumped to her feet. ‘If you’ve finished your coffee, I’ll show you to your room and you can stow your things away.’

  She charged across the room, feeling a need to put a sudden distance between them.

  ‘Holly, before you go—’

  Slowly…she turned.

  Gray offered a dangerously shy smile. ‘I know I’m probably old-fashioned and you’re a contemporary New Yorker, but I just wanted to make sure you’re completely okay with having me stay here in your apartment.’

  ‘Of course. It’s perfectly fine.’ Holly tried to sound offhand. ‘It makes sense.’

  ‘And your boyfriend? Is he cool with it, too?’

  A horrible knife-in-the-heart pain pierced Holly, the pain she always felt whenever Brandon was mentioned. After two months, the shock was still very raw—especially the painful discovery that Brandon had been seeing Maria Swain for six whole months before he’d found the courage to tell her.

  Somehow she forced a breezy smile. ‘That’s not a problem. I’m between boyfriends right now.’

  Not wanting to see Gray’s reaction, she hurried on to the spare room. ‘It’s important for you to stay here, Gray.’ She tossed the words over her shoulder. ‘You need to maximise your time with the children before you set off.’

  ‘Thanks. I appreciate that.’

  At the doorway, she stepped aside to let him into the room. ‘It’s nothing special, but I guess it’s adequate.’

  ‘It’s terrific.’ Gray dropped his bag onto the rug at the foot of the single bed. Holly was about to leave when he said, ‘What about you, Holly?’

  ‘Me? Oh…my room’s…um…just down the hall.’

  Gray looked a tad embarrassed and scratched at the side of his jaw. ‘I wasn’t asking where you sleep. I meant—what are your plans now—once the children are off your hands.’

  ‘My plans? Oh…’ Holly gulped. Talking to this attractive man about bedrooms must have scrambled her powers of thinking. ‘I’ve just finished my final exams, so I’ve started sending out job applications. Who knows where I’ll end up?’