Rancher's Twins: Mom Needed Read online

  He forced a bitter laugh, but Holly could hear the terrible pain in it. She wanted to pull that hurt little boy into her arms, to hold him and comfort him.

  ‘The letter was going to be a wonderful surprise for her,’ Gray went on. ‘I slipped it under her bedroom door. Worst mistake of my life. My parents had the ugliest fight over my spelling.’

  Slumping back against the cushions, he closed his eyes. ‘They were yelling and I heard every word. She said my letter was illegible. I was hopeless. Unteachable. A disgrace.’

  Holly shuddered, but she could so easily imagine the note full of spelling mistakes. Shaky printing. Almost no punctuation. And yet it would have been a message straight from the heart of a distraught little boy. How could Gray’s parents have ignored that?

  ‘It sounds as if your mother couldn’t cope,’ she said. ‘But surely your dad stood up for you?’

  Gray shook his head. ‘That was the other side of the problem. My old man never had much faith in book learnin’. That’s what he called it. He hadn’t had much schooling and most of his mates hadn’t, either, and he reckoned they were okay. Who needed Will-bloody-Shakespeare and encyclopaedias? Books couldn’t help a man to catch a wild bull, or strain fencing wire.’

  Holly nodded, imagining the situation—the stubborn, uneducated cattleman married to the tense, unhappy city woman. In the next generation, history had repeated itself in Gray’s marriage to Chelsea.

  ‘Did your mother leave?’ she asked.

  Gray let out another hefty sigh. ‘It happened a few days later. She left us and went to live in Sydney, and it wasn’t long before she found a new husband. A property developer. Their son went to the best schools, and now he’s a bright young investment banker.’

  ‘And you stayed here with your father?’

  He nodded. ‘My education was purely practical from then on.’ From beneath lowered lids, Gray sent her a lazy, lopsided smile.

  Holly shivered as a wave of longing washed through her. When he looked at her like that, she could only think about snuggling up to him and running her fingers over his skin. She clenched her hands tightly to stop herself from reaching out to touch him.

  ‘So,’ she said primly, ‘you didn’t have a nanny, but what about School of the Air?’

  Gray shook his head.

  ‘You mean you had no schooling?’

  ‘That’s…the story, I’m afraid.’

  ‘But how could your father get away with that? Surely there must have been someone in the Education Department asking questions about you?’

  ‘Probably.’ His shoulders shifted in a shrug. ‘I think my dad made sure I was away with the mustering team whenever anyone official came snooping around asking nosy questions. He prided himself on teaching me practical skills and keeping me clear of books and schools. When I look back, I can’t help thinking he kept me away from books as a reaction to Mom leaving us.’

  But that’s a crime! Holly wanted to shout, but she bit down on the words. Criticising Gray’s father was not going to help him now.

  ‘By the time I was old enough to understand what a handicap I had, it was more or less too late, and by then I was also too proud and stubborn.’ He gave another shrug. ‘As I said, I’ve managed.’

  ‘You’ve managed brilliantly.’

  ‘I made sure I knew how to write my name and my address, and how to fill in basic forms. If I’d really wanted to, I might have found a way to teach myself more. But I never really needed reading in my line of work. And now—’ He paused and frowned at the glass in his hands.

  ‘I’m guessing that you’d rather Anna and Josh didn’t have to know too much about your lack of schooling.’

  He stared at the glass. He hadn’t finished drinking it, but he set it aside. Very quietly, he said, ‘I can’t go on hiding it from them. And I’m sure it’s too late for me to start learning now.’

  ‘I don’t think so.’ Holly spoke just as softly as he had. Then, because she couldn’t help herself, she leaned closer and kissed his cheek. ‘In fact…I’m quite sure it’s not too late.’

  Their faces were only inches apart. She could see his individual eyelashes and the tiny flecks of grey floating in the blue of his irises. She felt her skin grow hot. Her words I’m quite sure it’s not too late… seemed to hang in the air. It was almost as if she was no longer talking about reading. Gray was looking at her with a burning intensity that stole her breath.

  It would be so easy to lean closer still, to fall into his arms and invite a repeat of their kiss. She wanted nothing more.

  But somehow she found the strength to move away. She had to think clearly. She had to remember that the kiss at the gorge had not been prompted by Gray’s desire for her. He’d made that quite clear. The important thing now was to remember that she only had a few weeks left in Australia and she had to at least make a start in teaching him to read.

  She would never forgive herself if she didn’t try.

  ‘Actually, it’s probably too late to start reading lessons tonight,’ she said, keeping her eyes lowered. ‘But we could certainly try for tomorrow night—once the children are in bed.’

  Then she looked up, she saw the shimmering emotion in Gray’s eyes. He lifted a hand, as if he was going to touch her hair. She felt a hot flame rush over her skin, then he seemed to think better of it and he let his hand fall.

  ‘Thank you,’ he said simply.

  ‘You’re welcome.’

  ‘I mean it, Holly. Thank you so much. You’re an amazing girl. You have no idea—’

  ‘But I do,’ she said. ‘I have a very good idea.’ She forced a small smile. ‘That’s why I’d really like to help you.’

  He grinned, looking suddenly younger, lighter, freer. ‘You’ve done so much for me. What can I do for you in return?’

  Kiss me again? Good grief, where was her common sense? ‘Maybe you could organise some riding practice?’ she said quickly, grasping at straws. ‘Not just for me, for the kids as well.’

  ‘I will. First thing in the morning.’

  Gray sat for ages after Holly left, looking around at the four walls of his study and replaying the memories he’d bared to her. To his surprise, the unhappy recollections were already losing their power to hurt him. It was as if talking about his memories, setting them before Holly—Exhibit A, Exhibit B—had made them real, no longer private nightmares, but clues in a crime.

  At some deep level, he’d always believed that the not-reading business was his fault. He’d let Chelsea walk away from him because he’d always known that he wasn’t really worthy of her. But the reality was: his mother had stuffed up teaching him to read. His father had held him back from a decent education.

  Okay, his dad had taught him almost everything he knew about cattle and engines and carpentry, but the world was a big and complicated place and homespun knowledge only took a man so far.

  For the first time Gray felt entitled to accept that he wasn’t totally to blame for his inadequacies. Then again, it was his fault that he’d done nothing about the problem he’d been left with. Hell, if he’d had a physical handicap, he would have sought medical help; he certainly wouldn’t have tried to cover it up.

  Then again, it was true that practical skills were highly valued in the Outback. In a way his dad was right. You didn’t need book-learning to ride a fleet-footed horse or to clear heavy bullocks out of the scrub, or to sell and buy cattle at an auction.

  But, in the scheme of things, the Outback was a limited world and he wanted his kids to have choices he’d never had. Choices meant education.

  Holly would never know how much it had cost him to admit to her that he couldn’t read or write. Hell, he still flinched just saying the words ‘read and write’ in his head. But, thanks to her, the words no longer made him feel sick and hopeless. With her help, he was finally going to do something about it.

  He felt like a man who’d been let out of jail.

  He should tell Holly that some time. It would probably
make her smile, and he really liked—no, he downright loved—to see her smile.

  ‘Now it’s Holly’s turn,’ Gray told his children. ‘She’s going to show us how a farm girl from Vermont mounts a horse.’

  He’d woken them all early, declaring it was time to start riding lessons before school, and he’d brought four of his gentlest horses into the home paddock. Already, Anna and Josh were smugly sitting astride small, quiet ponies, while Gray held their reins.

  Holly had hoped to get in a little riding practice without an audience, but now three pairs of eyes were watching her first attempt.

  She shot them a warning frown. ‘I told you it’s a long time since I’ve been on a horse.’

  ‘But you won’t have forgotten how,’ Gray assured her.

  ‘My muscles might have forgotten.’

  He grinned. ‘That’s defeatist talk.’

  Holly knew he was probably right, and perhaps it was her attitude that brought about her problems for, no matter how hard she tried, she could not swing her right leg up over the saddle. After the umpteenth embarrassing try, she felt like a ninety-year-old former ballet dancer who’d insisted she could still do an arabesque.

  ‘Here, let me help you,’ Gray said, handing the reins to his children and instructing them not to move till he returned.

  ‘I’m sure I’ll get the hang of it—’ Holly insisted as she began to lift her leg one more time.

  Then she felt Gray’s hands on her bottom. With a firm shove, he hefted her high and suddenly she was up in the air and she swung easily into the saddle.

  Anna and Josh cheered.

  ‘Thank you,’ she said, but when she looked down into the smile in Gray’s eyes, her breath caught. His eyes were shimmering with a special light.

  Just for her.

  Small fires flared in the pit of her stomach. She could still feel the warm imprint of his hands on her behind and now she was remembering the way he’d kissed her at the gorge. She was almost certain that he was remembering it, too. She’d always thought that he’d kissed her to shut her up. Now she wasn’t so sure…

  The atmosphere in the study that evening was different right from the start.

  Gray was in high spirits after the puppet play. Anna and Josh had been thrilled with his Hector Owl rendition, which wasn’t surprising considering how heartily he’d thrown himself into the role.

  The children had been overexcited, actually, and they’d taken a while to settle to sleep, but all was quiet now. Janet had retired to her cottage for the night, and Holly had joined Gray in his study.

  He could hardly wait to get started on the reading lessons and his eyes were shining. ‘Take a look at this.’

  From a drawer in his desk he produced a manila folder, letting small squares of paper flutter from it onto the desk’s surface.

  Holly picked up a square and turned it over to find the word ‘red’.

  ‘I recognise that printing. It’s mine. Did you cut it out of your poem?’

  Gray grinned. ‘I photocopied the poem, then cut out all the words.’ He looked incredibly proud of himself, exactly the way Anna had looked when she’d produced her play script. ‘Choose any word,’ he said. ‘Test me to see how many I know.’

  Holly hesitated. She wanted to ask if he’d had enough time to learn all these words. There were rather a lot of them, after all, but if she showed any sign of doubt, she would undermine his confidence.

  ‘It’s okay,’ he said, sensing her hesitation. ‘I’ve been practising out in the shed all afternoon.’

  ‘Wow. That’s conscientious.’ She picked up a piece of paper and handed it to him.

  ‘Dreamtime,’ he said, smiling broadly. She tried another word and another and he knew them, too.

  Holly grinned at him, thrilled for him, knowing how pleased he was. ‘I knew you were brilliant.’

  And suddenly his arms were around her and she was being squeezed against his big broad chest, and then they were dancing a crazy jig, bumping into the desk and knocking over a chair and not caring two hoots.

  Breathless with laughter, they finally collapsed onto the sofa, panting and grinning stupidly. Holly was quite sure she’d never felt happier, or more uplifted and exultant.

  Or more in lust.

  Then Gray went very still and everything changed as the air became electrified with tension.

  His tension and hers.

  ‘Holly,’ he whispered, trailing his fingers down the side of her neck to her collarbone.

  She tried to reply but no sound came out. She was too aware of his body pressing against her, too aware of his arousal, and of her own desire coiling and tugging low inside her.

  Heat flooded her. She struggled to ignore it. This shouldn’t be happening. Wasn’t she supposed to be still in love with Brandon, still pining after Brandon…?

  She was super-aware of how different Gray was from her ex-boyfriend—he was a bigger, more muscular man, darker, more intense. Everything was different…the feel of his skin beneath her fingers…his breath on her neck…

  And ever since he’d kissed her yesterday she’d been aching for more…

  Even though he’d tried to dismiss the kiss as a mistake, she’d been yearning for the heady closeness of his lips locked with hers, of his arms about her, of his strength binding her…

  She longed for his touch…couldn’t bear it if he turned her away now.

  ‘Please don’t tell me this is wrong,’ she whispered.

  ‘Holly, I wouldn’t dare.’

  It was all the permission either of them needed. His lips grazed her cheek, then he kissed his way to her mouth…first taking her lower lip and drawing the soft flesh between his teeth in wonderfully intimate possession.

  He was an expert, she realised gratefully, and already she was kissing him back. Indeed, she couldn’t stop kissing him.

  As she wriggled beneath him, positioning herself against his hardness, she heard his groan and, when he touched his tongue to hers, their kiss turned wild.

  Moments later, they were helping each other out of their clothing.

  CHAPTER TEN

  THE next morning there was school and Holly was grateful for the routine of breakfast, bed-making and setting up the school room. Gray had already breakfasted and left before she and the children woke, so she didn’t have to worry about catching his eye across the kitchen table.

  That was a good thing. If he’d been there, she might have found herself blushing—and who could blame her after the sexy moves they’d made on each other last night?

  Now she had a whole day to compose herself, and to convince herself that last night had been a celebration, but nothing more. They had both been thrilled about Gray’s breakthrough, and then they’d experienced a kind of romantic movie moment, when they’d been a little carried away.

  Well, okay, more than a little carried away.

  Nevertheless, it was time to remind herself that Gray wasn’t looking for a serious relationship. Last night had probably only happened because she was the only young woman within a hundred kilometre radius.

  For her part, she’d decided that making love with Gray had been a necessary step in her post-Brandon recovery plan. A healing tonic.

  At least, that was what she tried to tell herself, but as soon as she’d woken this morning she’d wanted to dwell on every amorous and blissful detail of Gray’s lovemaking, wanted to savour his sweet tenderness and his breathtaking passion.

  But now she had to put a lid on those memories. It was time to put these last few weeks with Gray and his children into perspective.

  In a month’s time—maybe less than that—a new and permanent Australian nanny would arrive, and that woman would occupy the teacher’s seat in Gray’s study. That woman would join in the puppet plays and that woman would, no doubt, be taken to admire the beautiful gorge. She might even go horse-riding with Gray and the children.

  Holly’s future lay in America—in a new city and a new school. All kinds of opportuni
ties were bound to open up for her there. Maybe even a new man.

  Why couldn’t she feel happier?

  ‘I think we should agree that last night was a one-off, don’t you?’

  Holly had been practising this suggestion all day and, now that she and Gray were alone in his study for another reading session, she was relieved to get it out in the open—especially as the sizzle between them was even more obvious than it had been last night.

  ‘I mean,’ she said now, feeling obliged to explain her point, ‘we both know we could never have anything more than a fling, and flings are—’

  ‘Fun?’ Gray suggested with a smile that was hard to read.

  ‘I was going to say dangerous.’ Holly sat primly away from him on the sofa with her arms and her legs crossed. ‘I’m your children’s nanny, after all.’

  ‘That’s true,’ he said, in a tone that suggested this wasn’t a convincing argument.

  ‘We have to think of Anna and Josh,’ she added quickly before she tossed prudence out of the window. ‘It could be disastrous if they cottoned onto any…um…liaison between us.’

  ‘I guess you’re right.’ This time Gray sighed, then reached for her hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. ‘Damn it. I suppose teachers are always sensible and right.’

  Feeling the warm pressure of his fingers, Holly was overwhelmed by a need to throw herself into his arms. One more time.

  Heavens, she was a hypocrite. Now that Gray was agreeing with her, she felt disappointed. Truth was, she’d never experienced such exciting, heart-thumping sex, hadn’t known she had it in her to be so passionate.

  Now, she had to forget her newly enhanced libido and she had to remember why she’d started this conversation.

  ‘Children can’t be expected to understand casual relationships. It’s not healthy for them—and after everything Anna and Josh have been through—’

  Gray nodded and then he frowned. ‘I wish I knew what to say. Thank you sounds crass. But I have so much to thank you for, Holly.’